WAY TOO LATE

wake up and crawl out of that space
only to realize some of your friends hybernate more often & longer
than you do-
that icy lonliness climbs your spine
the one you felt married
in bed with him
waking up and hes still sleeping
marrige being your cure for being alone
not fully functioning in these moments
falling flat
falling short
feeling like a loser
for not feeling like enough for yourself
watching beautiful nostrils wave
in the winds of a beautiful breath
fueling beautiful dreams-
having that not be beautiful enough,
you develop a habit of making coffee for people
which you dont need or like
and of drinking it
more of the same
by heartbroken you mean really broken,
in terms of its not doing its job anymore
your eyes go with it you become blind
your self respect follows suit
you feel like a complete idiot
you apologize to all your friends
for necessary phases you had to go through
which you know is unnecessary
the question looms-
go back to sleep?
the question looms all day until
it scares you shitless and you stay up
way too late.