PIECES OF DREAMS

you feel shakey.
you feel another headache coming on,
ontop of the one you already have.
you take two asprin,
ontop of the one you already have.
you feel shakey you feel unstable,
but then you let yourself float to a space
beneath hunger pangs
where a clear river of knowledge
runs deep
you remember this place
you had forgotten the way
he had whispered into the phone once,
theres a calm place inside you
you have to find it.
you wonder how the doctor appointment will go tomorrow,
if you can sleep through another year
without anyone noticing,
if everyone else feels as bad as you do,
and if they do why dont you all band together
and do something about it?

they tell you theyre depressed & bored on myspace
they tell you theyre fine on the phone
or they dont pick up
or theyre happier than can be
with a beer in their hand
you feel that the world is spinning out of control.
welcome to this part of your life.
your 20s.
where, like every part of your life that came before,
everyone seems to have a very specific idea
of how theyre sposed to act and what theyre sposed to be,
and you have the funnily familiar feeling
that you didnt sign up for any of this
and while theyre busy acting and being
that certain way,
you feel alone.
and you feel you driven to participate,
though it would be against all your values.
you almost lose yourself completely when
you tear up on the phone,
snot runs into your mouth as he says,
cheer up i gotta go
and you decide
not even i can love me this way.

you click your heels and say hello
to another year of anguish and hardwork
another year of building character and cleaning up
pieces of dreams
another year
of integrity.