elusive

im sitting in a box
that costs 650 dollars
without one piece of bread
a drunk friend looks kindly
around a corner
yes?
im looking for a piece of bread.
as he punctuates this sentence
and sees the look on my face
we fall silent
we share a second of just being
in the same space
i know i neednt say anything
but to shake the feeling
i release it in words
i dont have any bread
i just spent the pay that
wouldve gone to
keeping my phone on
in a mindless bar chase
as ive done so many times
without even liking alcohol
to try and help someone
that wont return my calls
it seems somehow sadder
with a friend at my side
no longer alone holding
the knowledge
that i once again put my neck across
the chopping block
for someone that doesnt call
me back

in the deepest part
of the dark of the night
he asks again the question
for which i have no answer

why do people not like you?

the pebble falls into the
pool of my soul
small ripples swell and roll
outward circular
i watch them quietly
a movement i like to watch

but there is no lasting reaction
of the water to the stone
and there is no real answer
to this question
and that is all i know.

so i hold the knowledge
and i sit in the box
i breathe in
i breathe out
without my heart
what can i do?
sings the musician

the only thing i want

continually


e l u s i v e