you have very traditional views on
what we're supposed to do
in a fight
i throw you curve balls
you go white
things thatve probably
never happened to you
before.
you cant surprise me.
the endall result is:
you
running away
and that's as far as we'll ever get.
as long as you do it.
Friday, December 25, 2009
will bring
sometimes you wanna talk to people
who knew you before you had an internet identity.
before you drank.
before you went to parties.
since after you stopped wearing makeup.
before you started wearing it again.
from during the phase where you didnt color your hair
and felt completely confident all the time
after you quit doing drugs,
before you started again.
there was him.
the point at which the instrument comes in
signals the message it brings to us
(will bring).
who knew you before you had an internet identity.
before you drank.
before you went to parties.
since after you stopped wearing makeup.
before you started wearing it again.
from during the phase where you didnt color your hair
and felt completely confident all the time
after you quit doing drugs,
before you started again.
there was him.
the point at which the instrument comes in
signals the message it brings to us
(will bring).
in holes (oct 09)
fuck me & ill feel better
at least for an hour or so
dont forget to cover me
if you decide to go
the cold
will rip me from my memories
will tear me from my fantasies
and dreams
and ill drink too much
and smoke too much
and i will become mean
to you
such a depressing song
dont sing it to me
dont bring it near me
dont wanna hear it
dont sing me that song
beirut is unbearable
my mind
falls in holes
lasso it baby
with your twinkling eye
when all cafes are closed
let me doze on your chesthair
one night longer
but dont play the radio
please
at least for an hour or so
dont forget to cover me
if you decide to go
the cold
will rip me from my memories
will tear me from my fantasies
and dreams
and ill drink too much
and smoke too much
and i will become mean
to you
such a depressing song
dont sing it to me
dont bring it near me
dont wanna hear it
dont sing me that song
beirut is unbearable
my mind
falls in holes
lasso it baby
with your twinkling eye
when all cafes are closed
let me doze on your chesthair
one night longer
but dont play the radio
please
my mind
falls in holes
i might
i might
flip out on you.
in love with a gamer
i wish he would come make love with me. i am so tired and so deserving i have done so much for us today and for him. i think he secretly how beautiful and sexy he is and no longer finds me worth the time and energy. but he cannot tell me this to my face. he would rather choke out our love with neglect and tetris. just like my husband before him. maybe im just staying to do reasearch on what would have happened had i stayed. his loving has healed me enough that i no longer walk around in a fog of divorce. but i think it was never his intention to make this something lasting and we both always knew it would only be temporary.
angry terrorist music plays from the stereo.
he attempted at first to woo me by saying things like forvever a lot which scared the shit out of me cuz i know better by now. that is not what i want, and i think it blocked me, and me being blocked disheartened him and since he's stopped making those promises i feel much freer to give love but it is maybe too late for him now he has stopped believing in his version of what was holding us together.
it occurs to me that we are bound together by being broke, and knowing he could pay the rent without me tempts me to leave him alone.
(written in oct.09 chicago)
angry terrorist music plays from the stereo.
he attempted at first to woo me by saying things like forvever a lot which scared the shit out of me cuz i know better by now. that is not what i want, and i think it blocked me, and me being blocked disheartened him and since he's stopped making those promises i feel much freer to give love but it is maybe too late for him now he has stopped believing in his version of what was holding us together.
it occurs to me that we are bound together by being broke, and knowing he could pay the rent without me tempts me to leave him alone.
(written in oct.09 chicago)
at the depths
succumbing to him so hard i reminded him of old desires.
fires that went out.
his ex used to scream and shout.
that was tired sex? he said afterwards.
and we kissed and honey melted between our lips.
he played with fire and made beautiful things.
i am fire. i try to organize earthly things:
arrange oil earth trees mud build things up burn them down
smear them around as ash.
he harnasses fire like magic.
most likely he will become envious of the orgasms he gives me
like everyone else.
i make love.
she says.
i dont like it hard.
at the depths of the deepest love,
i wanna tell her,
there is very
dirrrrrrrrrty
sex.
fires that went out.
his ex used to scream and shout.
that was tired sex? he said afterwards.
and we kissed and honey melted between our lips.
he played with fire and made beautiful things.
i am fire. i try to organize earthly things:
arrange oil earth trees mud build things up burn them down
smear them around as ash.
he harnasses fire like magic.
most likely he will become envious of the orgasms he gives me
like everyone else.
i make love.
she says.
i dont like it hard.
at the depths of the deepest love,
i wanna tell her,
there is very
dirrrrrrrrrty
sex.
balls
WHEN YOU ADMIT TO YOUR EMOTIONAL VULNERABILITY AND TENDENCY TOWARDS LOVE SLAVERY, YOURE REALLY PUTTING YOURSELF OUT THERE.
dec 24th
the waitress at the diner is smoking and playing draw poker superstar on a plastic machine. it makes stupid sounds as she pounds the screen.
A BOUGIE XMAS DISASTER
WHO KNEW THAT UNDER OUR COOKIE FACTORY THERE WAS A LADDER TO THE UNDERWORLD?
THERES A DOOR TO HELL IN THE FLOOR.
I WILL BE ONE OF THE SURVIVORS. ALL OF THE INFORMATION THAT I GATHER WILL DIRECT THE EFFECT I HAVE ON THE WORLD.
EATIN BY ZOMBIES. TRYIN TO GET AN EDUCATION.
YEAH RIGHT LIKE ID EVER BELIEVE KEANU REEVES PUNCHED ANYBODY.
KEEPING YOU AND YOUR FAMILY SAFE IN EXTREME WEATHER CONDITIONS.
DONT WAX YOUR HUSBAND ON NBC. DONT DO IT.
AMIDST ALL THE REVELRY AND MIRTH...
TECHNIQUES OF SUCESSFUL WEB BUSINESS.
HE WAS SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF A DUDE BUFFET!
WE MIGHTVE BEEN IN LAOS BUT I REALLY DUNNO THEY NEVER TOLD US SHIT.
THERES A DOOR TO HELL IN THE FLOOR.
I WILL BE ONE OF THE SURVIVORS. ALL OF THE INFORMATION THAT I GATHER WILL DIRECT THE EFFECT I HAVE ON THE WORLD.
EATIN BY ZOMBIES. TRYIN TO GET AN EDUCATION.
YEAH RIGHT LIKE ID EVER BELIEVE KEANU REEVES PUNCHED ANYBODY.
KEEPING YOU AND YOUR FAMILY SAFE IN EXTREME WEATHER CONDITIONS.
DONT WAX YOUR HUSBAND ON NBC. DONT DO IT.
AMIDST ALL THE REVELRY AND MIRTH...
TECHNIQUES OF SUCESSFUL WEB BUSINESS.
HE WAS SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF A DUDE BUFFET!
WE MIGHTVE BEEN IN LAOS BUT I REALLY DUNNO THEY NEVER TOLD US SHIT.
XMAS TV
AND MRS. HUBBARD, YOU SHOULD REALLY BE ASHAMED SENDING YOUR ONLY DAUGHTER OFF TO GO LIVE IN A BOWLING BALL JUST SO YOU CAN PAY YOUR MORTAGAGE!
--drew barrymore, babes in toyland
--drew barrymore, babes in toyland
LOW
THE WORST PEOPLE TO BE WITH WHEN YOURE ON A SUGAR LOW.
UHH YOURE ON A ROAD THE WRONG WAY, ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD...
UHH YOURE ON A ROAD THE WRONG WAY, ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD...
XMAS
DRIVING TO GO TO MCDONALDS IN THE RAIN ON CHRISTMAS DAY THE SUN HAS FALLEN WE ARE ON THE HUNT FOR COFFEE AND DONUTS.
CRYING IN THE KITCHEN
THEY DONT EVEN GIVE PEOPLE OUR AGE WELFARE MONEY THAT DONT HAVE MINOR CHILDREN.
PICKLES & CO.
waitress: HE CLEANS HIS PLATE PICKLES AND ALL!
customer: YES HE DOES BRO.
YES HE DOES.
YES. HE. DOES.
customer: YES HE DOES BRO.
YES HE DOES.
YES. HE. DOES.
YOU CARE ABOUT ME
YOU CARE ABOUT ME
AND NOTHING HAS
CHANGED
EATING CAKE
LISTENING TO CAKE
SOMEHOW
I DONT FEEL THE SAME
the man on the street might just as well be
the man on the street might just as well
the man on the street might just as well be
the man on the street might just as well
CURRENCY
AND FLUENCY
WONT HELP ME
HERE
SOME SORT OF HELL
HOLDING UP APPEARANCES
AGAIN
BUT NOTHING HAS CHANGED
AND YOU STILL LOVE ME
BOY
WHY YOU NEVER CALL ME
I DONT. BELIEVE.
A WORD.
THAT YOU.
SAY.
AND NOTHING HAS
CHANGED
EATING CAKE
LISTENING TO CAKE
SOMEHOW
I DONT FEEL THE SAME
the man on the street might just as well be
the man on the street might just as well
the man on the street might just as well be
the man on the street might just as well
CURRENCY
AND FLUENCY
WONT HELP ME
HERE
SOME SORT OF HELL
HOLDING UP APPEARANCES
AGAIN
BUT NOTHING HAS CHANGED
AND YOU STILL LOVE ME
BOY
WHY YOU NEVER CALL ME
I DONT. BELIEVE.
A WORD.
THAT YOU.
SAY.
THINGS THAT YOU FORGOT
BRAZENLY
AND FULL OF PASSION
I THRASH TRASH BAGS AROUND
POURING COTTON INTO PILES
THINGS FALL OUT
RANDOM KNICK KNACKS
I PULL OUT PANTS
HOLD THEM UP TO MY NEW LOVER
ARE THESE YOUR PANTS?
NO. HE SAYS.
I COULD BE EMBARASSED.
MY FUCKING EX.
should i wear this?
should i wear this?
black tye event.
MANY THINGS IN PILES NOW
LET MY EMOTIONAL
BAGGAGE POUR OUT
BUT THERE ARE THINGS
THAT YOU FORGOT.
WHERE IS MY PORCELAIN TEAPOT?
WHERE ARE MY CUPS--
I HAVE NO CUPS
cant
drink out of cups
and be a bitch
anymore--
WHERE ARE MY NAILS
WHERE IS MY HAMMER?
WHERE ARE MY FLOWERS
WAIT
YOU NEVER BOUGHT ME FLOWERS.
NEVERMIND.
AND FULL OF PASSION
I THRASH TRASH BAGS AROUND
POURING COTTON INTO PILES
THINGS FALL OUT
RANDOM KNICK KNACKS
I PULL OUT PANTS
HOLD THEM UP TO MY NEW LOVER
ARE THESE YOUR PANTS?
NO. HE SAYS.
I COULD BE EMBARASSED.
MY FUCKING EX.
should i wear this?
should i wear this?
black tye event.
MANY THINGS IN PILES NOW
LET MY EMOTIONAL
BAGGAGE POUR OUT
BUT THERE ARE THINGS
THAT YOU FORGOT.
WHERE IS MY PORCELAIN TEAPOT?
WHERE ARE MY CUPS--
I HAVE NO CUPS
cant
drink out of cups
and be a bitch
anymore--
WHERE ARE MY NAILS
WHERE IS MY HAMMER?
WHERE ARE MY FLOWERS
WAIT
YOU NEVER BOUGHT ME FLOWERS.
NEVERMIND.
A SERVICE JOB
A PIECE OF ME
WILL GO TO YOU
I NEVER REALLY USED IT
IVE FELT HUNGRY
ALL MY LIFE
FOR ALL THE PIECES
THAT WENT UNUSED
IN ME.
PLEASE
HAVE ONE
HAVE A PIECE
HAVE A COUPLE
JUST SEW ME BACK UP
GIVE ME DRUGS
AND LET ME LIE
ON YOUR SOFA.
WHAT KINDS OF FLUIDS
WILL GO IN AND OUT?
BUT THATS NOT
WHAT ITS ABOUT
PUT THIS IN YOUR MOUTH
NO DIFFERENT
FROM HIGHSCHOOL
BREATHE IN
BREATHE OUT
LIKE MAKING
THE DIRTY BOYS
THAT YOU SO CARE FOR
FOUND IN BARS
AND ALLEYS
AND ON FIRE ESCAPES
CUM.
ITS GOOD FOR EVERYONE.
THIS IS.
A SERVICE JOB.
WILL GO TO YOU
I NEVER REALLY USED IT
IVE FELT HUNGRY
ALL MY LIFE
FOR ALL THE PIECES
THAT WENT UNUSED
IN ME.
PLEASE
HAVE ONE
HAVE A PIECE
HAVE A COUPLE
JUST SEW ME BACK UP
GIVE ME DRUGS
AND LET ME LIE
ON YOUR SOFA.
WHAT KINDS OF FLUIDS
WILL GO IN AND OUT?
BUT THATS NOT
WHAT ITS ABOUT
PUT THIS IN YOUR MOUTH
NO DIFFERENT
FROM HIGHSCHOOL
BREATHE IN
BREATHE OUT
LIKE MAKING
THE DIRTY BOYS
THAT YOU SO CARE FOR
FOUND IN BARS
AND ALLEYS
AND ON FIRE ESCAPES
CUM.
ITS GOOD FOR EVERYONE.
THIS IS.
A SERVICE JOB.
Monday, December 14, 2009
complaint of the skeleton to time
take my love, it is not true,
so let it tempt no body new;
take my lady, she will sigh
for my bed where'er i lie;
take them, said the skeleton,
but leave my bones alone.
take my raiment, now grown cold,
to give to some poor poet old;
take the skin that hoods this truth
if his age would wear my youth;
take them, said the skeleton,
but leave my bones alone.
so let it tempt no body new;
take my lady, she will sigh
for my bed where'er i lie;
take them, said the skeleton,
but leave my bones alone.
take my raiment, now grown cold,
to give to some poor poet old;
take the skin that hoods this truth
if his age would wear my youth;
take them, said the skeleton,
but leave my bones alone.
take the thoughts that like the wind
blow my body out of mind;
take this heart to go with that
and pass it on from rat to rat;
take them, said the skeleton,
but leave my bones alone.
take the art which i bemoan
in a poem's crazy tone;
grind me down, though i may groan,
to the starkest stick and stone;
take them, said the skeleton,
but leave my bones alone.
-ginsberg 1949
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
SPACKLER
I ALWAYS GO FOR GUYS
WITH HUGE CHIPS
IN THEIR SHOULDERS!
i yell out across the warm brown bar.
I THINK OH NO PROBLEM
I CAN FIX THAT!
WE'LL JUST SPACKLE OVER IT
WITH CUM!
my companions
drop their heads in their hands
like a guillotine falling
IT NEVER WORKS!
DONT TRY IT!
i drink some beer to try and stop myself
LIKE- IM AN EXPERIENCED
SPACKLER YOU GUYS.
IT DOES NOT WORK.
again/oh yes
i feel like
im in art school
again
dribbling the pen
taking pictures
recording
digging into the music
why do i never relate this?
the music does it.
i copied his phone
number down
from the internet
not just his
but his too
that was pre-
facebook.
whoa.
what is this time where
we try so hard convinced
that we'll fail
on the opposite side of
invincible
we do the best we can
at everything
to surprise
our future
selves?
white-washed
foggy period
of dilligence
what do we call
this?
oh yes.
so much of me
he looked like an alien
but i saw a bit of him
come through
he dripped some phrases
made some vibrations
i really gelled with.
we were gelled together.
i looked away
to not destroy his soul
entirely
he can only handle
so much of me.
world around
remember when i convinced you
that curves move neither up nor down
and turned your whole
world around?
p.s.
what do you think of me now?
that curves move neither up nor down
and turned your whole
world around?
p.s.
what do you think of me now?
it doesnt matter
i would make you 1000 origami birds
i would sing your words
i would live in your nest
i would give you my best
i would give you my dirty underwear
to smell
i would follow you
into hell
i would shine my candle
in your darkest hovel
and i do and i did and i do
and i would
would you know me then
if you were full fed
and i was succumbing
to your wishes
to your hand
again
would you recognize
my face
in that place
would you look me in the eye
like the first time
or would you close your eyes
because
it doesnt matter?
i would sing your words
i would live in your nest
i would give you my best
i would give you my dirty underwear
to smell
i would follow you
into hell
i would shine my candle
in your darkest hovel
and i do and i did and i do
and i would
would you know me then
if you were full fed
and i was succumbing
to your wishes
to your hand
again
would you recognize
my face
in that place
would you look me in the eye
like the first time
or would you close your eyes
because
it doesnt matter?
sound expands
sound expands
around my head
and in the liquid in my body
i wish it was your vibrations
coursing through me
waves of your keys
why are you not here
why do you not do this to me
anymore?
around my head
and in the liquid in my body
i wish it was your vibrations
coursing through me
waves of your keys
why are you not here
why do you not do this to me
anymore?
a road
i fondled the cup adoringly. he smiled heartbroken but trying. trying just as hard as me. meeting me halfway on a road that we both know we dont wanna go down.
butter knives
the barista just went into the bathroom, came out, grabbed two butter knives, and went back in.
what a surprise
build up bridges so he can break em down. build sand castles so he can smear em around. end up apologizing. what a surprise.
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