on the road (again)

cafe meztizo

on the road to recovery

on the road to discovery again

on the road

again

how will this go

how will i roll out of this one

less social paranoia

than

preparedness

on the road

again

THE DESERT

hey there

id love to go for a walk with you, the broke fun we could have,

fall also my favorite season.

drinking spiced chocolate coffee at the corner anarchist cafe

big deal

havent i been here?

havent i been here before?

people come in speaking different languages

everyone says i need to learn spanish

they say it like im an idiot and i need to get on it

what have i been doing the past 5 years?

marriage was the worst thing that ever happened to me

im terrified still that we're somehow sposed to be together

im terrified

that theres no one to blame for all this

and there is no picknick in a park where everyones waiting

to kiss you

there are no elephant nosed balloon dancers

love is not the answer

all we consume

becomes the truth

spiced chocolate coffee anarchist cafe?

since when am i anarchist?

and how is it after all the schlepping that ive done

the squatting the dirty rolling around looking for a bone

i look just as young as ever

i look like a yuppy

i just want to bury myself and wait for the next decade

but who will pay the rent?

listening to the same songs as in college

that was a short-lived romance

sing it loud for your people oh

notebooks filled with chicken scratch

should i sew them together to make a dress

why do i

constantly desire another treak

across the desert?

love

jo

sadly disapointed

I was not sure id be able to follow them

my generation

into the next phase

the next phase that i was not really experiencing 

while participating in it with them

i felt i was beyond it

again

but they let me in

and no one seemed to notice  

boy was i glad

didnt have a disguise good enough

to get in it with the big dogs

as they were running my pace

looking at me with disdain

and distrust

cuz of my age

the muscles in my legs 

pulled tight

and dried 

and hardened

into place

as we all know unused

muscles

do

after too 

much time

the 20 somethings 

let me jog with them

and boy was i glad

slackened my pace

let my face

drop

a comfortable spot.

if you look for me 

in the places

i would be 

by now

having known me

in the past

you will be sadly

disapointed.

DEPRESSION

I AM VERY DEPRESSED TODAY. I JUST WANT SEX BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TO GET IT. BECAUSE I AM VERY DEPRESSED. WHO WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH A VERY DEPRESSED PERSON? NO ONE. GOD IS THAT DEPRESSING. 

i wish i was his phone

i wish i was still super peppy itd be so much easier to get a job. maybe i need medication.

i miss you.

i just wanna touch you.

he comes to the door, stands behind the frame and says quietly

i just wanted to show you something.

coughs. walks away.

i would send him a text message through the wall but my phone isnt working. 

walking into the other room to say

i miss you.

just seems too degrading. 

i already tried wrapping my arms around his waist, 

laying my head on his leg 

and making sad dog noises.

he starred at his computer till his phone vibrated in his pocket then he took it out

and opened it up

how i wish i was his phone.  

dying to live

getting totally trashed on the boat to sardigna with sandro sitting outside in the night on the wet deck hugging our cardigans like life wasnt going to wait for us we were dying to live.