JEFF

he comes in in sporty pants and no shirt with a real cheerie hello and says he's going to the library. i'm sure he knows how good his tussled hair looks when he gets out of bed in the morning (afternoon). he tries to help me get the espresso machine open, meanwhile i suceed at brewing practical espresso with the drip coffee machine. i let him try it he likes it, i tell him he doesn't have to entertain me. white magic plays over the istereo. i eat a chocolate muffin. he doesn't just try the coffee he drinks half of it, he loves it. i feel like i'm watching a cute furry animal eat out of my hand. white magic feels so good today. he tells me the fire escape is not stable, i shouldn't go out there, i laugh, i knew he'd say that, i thought about that when i was sitting on it this morning. i went walking and got the windy city high, no particular events just walkin walkin walkin feeling good. he says he feels that way in new york. i see that... train lost. we listen to white magic. he gets ready to go to the library. we talk about ipod ripping and music that could've been made in any century. i'll play mine later. they'll all be back soon. i feel he is too concerned with his position as host. i wonder what i can do to make this easier, smoother, for him and the others. i love his style. i admire it the way i once admired jacqui's. i get the feeling he wants me to talk to him as a man to a man. how did i lose that? i need to come back here.