joan*arc

segway

2010-08-02T23:33:00.000-07:00

got run over by a segway in target at eight in the morning.

as i segwayed (no pun) into unconsciousness, it was announced over the loudspeaker that craft mac and cheese was now three boxes for a dollar until midnight.

after that, there was only black.

INTELLECT/DERELECTION

2010-06-19T11:59:00.001-07:00

CRASHING INTO THE DREAMY SPACES
MY LOVERS AND I INHABIT
EXERCISING RESTRAINT
ONLY IN THE WORST CASES
LETTING EVERYTHING FALL BY THE WAYSIDE
WHEN I LOOK INTO YOUR EYES
PULLING A HUGE SCAM ON THE WORLD
JUST SO I CAN KEEP BELIEVING
NEVER DENYING THEIR TRUST
BUT ALWAYS THEIR INTENTIONS
A GREAT FEELING LIKE YOURE GOING
A GREAT DIRECTION
INTELLECT & DERELECTION
INFECTING THE NATION'S UTERUS
PUMPING OUT BABIES IN BLACK FLUID
SO SICK OF THIS
THEY DIDNT MENTION THIS
IN KINDERARTEN.

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES
I CAN GET MY
MONEY BACK?

NYTIMES TUMBLER

2010-05-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

"WALL STREET
TUMBLES
ALONG WITH
EUROPE AND
ASIA"

SOUNDS FUN!

SOUNDS LIKE

UNITY!

FINALLY!

I LOVE TUMBLING!

LETS GO!

debbie

2010-05-20T10:47:00.000-07:00

"there was a cook. her name was debbie. her name was debbie, and she was a cook. and she was extremely extremely suicidal. she was so suicidal that everyone that worked there, no matter how long they had worked there, had witnessed one of her attempts. she didnt have any teeth but one snaggle tooth hangin down. you could still see it when her mouth was closed. me and my friend used to call her gumball because she would always brag about how she gave the best blowjobs in town, since she had no teeth.

debbie also had a son his name was adam. his name was adam and he was a dishwasher. i started out workin with him. she must've had him when she was like, 16. long forehead. really long forehead. buck teeth. and then like, skinny and scraggely, slouching... like this."

NOTE:

2010-05-20T10:43:00.000-07:00

ONLY TRAINHOP
IN COUNTRIES
THAT HAVE FREE
HEALTH CARE.

flattering

2010-05-18T10:41:00.001-07:00

"omg. my cuticle is covered in dried blood."

"whose blood this time?"

"oh. i only destroy myself.

but thats flattering."

*
**
***
****
***
**
*

refridgerated water

2010-05-18T10:39:00.000-07:00

"geez
what a sweetheart.
remember how
excited he was
about that
refridgerated
water?"

*
**
***
****
***
**
*

A COOKIE

2010-05-18T10:36:00.000-07:00

AHA.
SO THIS IS WHAT
A COOKIE
TASTES LIKE
WITH A COATING
OF
BOTTOM-OF-
MY-PURSE.
HM.
*
**
***
****
***
**
*

for right now

2010-05-18T10:22:00.000-07:00

the new captain has arrived.

she hooked him, dead or alive,

upon first meeting

she sunk her hook in him

fearless

he could pull her under,

she could suck him dry.

onlookers on the outside

are terrified

but for right now

they're just pulling back & forth

rocking.

for right now.
*
**
***
****
***
**
*

ad campaign

2010-05-18T09:42:00.000-07:00

"THIS ISN'T CHIPPENDALES!"

i pitch

"OUR BARISTAS DONT WEAR AXE!"

they laugh

"WE DONT HAVE BARISTAS!"

my boss corrects me.
*
**
***
****
***
**
*

wierdo

2010-05-18T09:41:00.001-07:00

"whats sandy doin out in the yard?"

i ask his wife.

"oh who cares?" she says,

"wierdo."
*
**
***
****
***
**
*

illuminaties

2010-05-18T09:40:00.000-07:00

"I HEARD
MICHAEL JACKSON
GOT KILLED BY
THE ILLUMINATIES!"
*
**
***
****
***
**
*

frustrated

2010-05-18T09:39:00.000-07:00

IS IT JUST ME
BEIN FRUSTRATED
OR DOES THIS
BEER
REALLY TASTE LIKE
A COCK
COVERED
IN URIN?
*
**
***
****
***
**
*

hand-held devices

2010-05-18T09:38:00.000-07:00

"WE WEREN'T

ALLOWED

TO HAVE

ANY

HAND-HELD

DEVICES

OF ANY SORT."

*
**
***
****
***
**
*

MIGHT AS WELL

2010-05-18T09:36:00.000-07:00

"WELL
I SNORT
ADEROL
WITH
ISSAC,
I MIGHT
AS WELL
DO
ECSTACY
WITH
JIM."
*
**
***
****
***
**
*

alone i guess

2010-05-06T23:43:00.000-07:00

wake up
they say
no one can be
sensative
and considerate
at all times.
really?
i say.
i felt like i was
doing a good job.
meaning
hurtful truths
must at times
be spoken
out of respect
and grudges
must sometimes
be forgotten.

i practice this.

alone i guess.

*
**
***
****
***
**
*

so seriously

2010-05-06T23:35:00.000-07:00

she busts into
my house
screamin
"freaky deaky!"
and
"cocain!"
with a soggy bisquit
of a drunken face.
his eyes are so crazy
i think
they might be on blow
and not telling me
so i cash their bowl
and bring them tea
let them play
all my machines
though
i had hoped to have
a restful evening
hoping
my friend
with half a head
would make it
through the night
on life support.

when i say goodnight,
im not bein a good sport.
theyre offended.
like children
who think they run
everything.

"my nerves are shot,
my friends dying--"

i explain

he says,

"i didnt know

you would take it

so seriously."

*
**
***
****
***
**
*

how & why

2010-05-06T23:33:00.000-07:00

so i make myself pasta alfredo
for breakfast and think
about how and why
im going to tell everyone
in my life
to fuck off,

and go away again.

*
**
***
****
***
**
*

as always

2010-05-06T23:31:00.001-07:00

one of those nights

where you should've

screamed get the

fuck out of my house

and kicked them out

right away,

but you didnt.

as always.

*
**
***
****
***
**
*

darkness

2010-05-06T23:21:00.000-07:00

rainstorm woke me up.
worried me.
i got dressed
and found the keys.
watching the
trees flail
i tried to decide whether
or not to go into the basement
in my half awake state
i unplugged everything
and started cleaning
in the dark
the sun wasnt up yet.
it was when i was finished.

i cleaned up the darkness.

list (how i felt about him)

2010-05-06T21:51:00.000-07:00

singing bob dylan.

watching amazed as i clean his piece.

telling me things about his life
that are horrifying
in a super calm
logical manner.

giving me this book.

playing me music so amazing
i weep on a happy day.

being the most interesting person
at the party
and not saying anything
the whole time.

the first time we went
to a vitae party
together
and hung out on the washing machines
the entire time

"are we having a situation?"
perfect fill
my first AA panic attack

the way he kissed me
at that coop party
after i bought $10 of weed
off some guy... walking by...

pushed me up against
someone's lonely minivan...

and when we got back to his house
he immediately
fell asleep.

the way he fell asleep
after i told him
how i felt about him.

*
**
***
****
***
**
*

i dream

2010-05-06T21:44:00.000-07:00

i dream that you'll enter my house
unannounced
and crawl into bed with me
and we'll cuddle for hours
half asleep
not really asleep, but dreaming
find fantastic pathways
through our minds
in the ways our fingers intertwine
i dream that
we will never lie to each other
i dream that
we'll eat food out of
one another's
mouths
somehow
and all the things
i wanna do
with you

wont be gross

or complicated

or consequencial.

when you see him

2010-05-06T21:39:00.000-07:00

PSSST.... he looks at me.
it makes me beam.
yeah?
i say i got something to say
to you
he looks at me again.
and i beam
i cant stop it
and i cant say anything
while beaming
so i just extreme-beam him
i shine my face's sun
onto his sunny face.
this is love.
when you cant even say
what youre thinkin
when you dont even know
what you were talkin about
you see him
and beam
and he knows what it means

when you make that face,
when you see him.

the painting i did of you

2010-05-06T21:31:00.000-07:00

i look at the painting
i did of you
when we first met
thats been hanging
in my house
almost since then
and my god
i see in it
everything ive just
learned about you
everything i didnt
really get
about my own
painting
becomes clearer
as you near me.

there it is- there-
in that pthalo blue-
the story of how
they kidnapped you
and every tear you
never shed
swims in the smeary
brushstroke
of your oily head

things i didnt "know"
till now
i saw that night
in your face somehow-
if i could jump in a machine
and go back there
to back you up
i would
but
i admire
how you
handled it.
you didnt need
me then
and you dont
need me
now
and it makes me
love you
more
somehow

thunder storm

2010-05-06T21:27:00.000-07:00

there are no trees near your house.

touché.

AND THATS WHY

2010-05-06T21:18:00.000-07:00

i watch him slide by in slow motion
his face is contorted in frustration
hes leaning over the wheel looking
as far as he can to the left, right
past us, but yeah of course-
why would i be in such a car?
with such a strange old man?
why would i do that?
also i realize hes not looking for me
as i am looking for him,
looking in every car,
looking out every time i hear
someone park in my driveway.

and thats why i saw him
and he didnt see me

i want to scream-

I LOVE YOU!

i want to scream-

IM WAITING

FOR A REAL APOLOGY!

SIGH

2010-04-18T11:55:00.001-07:00

you didnt tell me
bells would fall from the sky
you didnt tell me
so many people that i loved
would die
you didnt tell me i would
forget how to cry
and grow heavy and dull
and just sigh
ITS HORRIFYING
BUT THERES NO DENYING
my grey hairs are
ganging up on me
theyre gonna try and
take me
but im
unbreakable.
my roots are
unshakable.
go ahead
overturn the table.
youll just have to
pay the waitress later
and feel ashamed
of yourself
im just gonna stand here
the girl with the empty grin
and the excellent timing
who taught herself
all of these things

and all i can do is sigh for you.
all i can do for you. is sigh.

the wind

2010-04-18T11:53:00.000-07:00

you tell yourself
no thats not him
whispering noises
right outside your door
like a little faerie
to test if youre asleep.
you hear the wood floor
creak but i assure you
its just
the wind

dont tell me

2010-04-18T11:52:00.000-07:00

dont tell me bout ma baby.

dont tell me what she do.

some women they may cut you

but she may shoot you too.

your crazy

2010-04-18T11:49:00.000-07:00

DO NOT LET THEM
TAKE YOUR CRAZY
AWAY IT IS ONE OF
OUR BEST WEAPONS
AND WITH ITS
POWER WE WILL
OVERTHROW
THEM.

this ring

2010-04-18T11:40:00.000-07:00

this ring
hangs heavy and loose
on my finger
like a bad boyfriend.

"for no reason"

2010-04-18T11:35:00.000-07:00

i dunno what happened
i couldnt hear nuthin-
he texts-
call you in a sec.
you thought he had
picked up and you were
in his pocket at work.
you waited and listened
to garble.
when you get his text
the radio grumbles
and you wonder
if the SWAteam
is about
to descend on your house
just for having known
all the wrong people
having discussed
your drug and sex
fetishes
openly
on every public forum
ever invented
during your lifetime,
and
for being happy
inspite of them.

lets just say
you wouldnt be surprised
if you were arrested
"for no reason"

unecessary pain

2010-04-18T11:32:00.000-07:00

i am painfully gorgeous today.
when i look in the mirror,
a wave of pain
washes over me.
on days like this,
other people often
feel it too.
i see the wave
of pain
wash over
their irises.
what is this?
lordy lordy
i wish itd go away
unecessary pain.

how the fuck do i know that?

2010-04-18T11:30:00.001-07:00

the reason i knew it was ok
for you to move in was
i could tell
and would know
i guess
from experience
somehow
that if you and i
were just breaking up
and already living together
i would not
move out
it would be
uneccessary
i knew
we could live together
in any conditions
and not be uncomfortable and
how the fuck
do i know that?

babystate

2010-04-18T11:28:00.000-07:00

you get so high
so buzzed
you get tired
and all you
wanna do is
shit yourself
suck on something
and fall asleep.

you are in
this moment
completely
incapable
of respectful
interaction.

business time

2010-04-18T11:26:00.000-07:00

you look super cute today!

she exclaims

like shes surprised.

she hasnt known me

very long.

yes, i say, its business time.

she laughs like maybe

this is just a flight of the conchords joke

and not also actually true.

but it is.

infact.

business time.

"business time",

when watched from outside,

looks very similar to

"free time"

im just

not talking

to you.

a political foe

2010-04-18T11:24:00.000-07:00

the dali lama has said today

that he would like to travel to the area

to comfort his people.

china has yet to comment

on his offer,

but sees him

as an exile

and political foe.

my hope

2010-04-18T11:23:00.000-07:00

my hope is that.

one day. theyll say to themselves.

she made a song every!day!

and she has

no! equipment!

ARTIST STATEMENT

2010-03-23T09:39:00.000-07:00

DURING THIS TIME, IN WHICH YOU KNOW YOU ARE PRACTICING SELF-ABUSE: YOU KNOW IT, YOU CAN SEE IT, THERES NO LYING TO YOURSELF. YOU KNOW YOUVE HAD TOO MANY CUPS OF COFFEE. YOU KNOW YOUVE HAD TOO MANY CIGARETTES. YOU KNOW YOU ARE EXISTING ON OXYGEN. YOU KNOW THAT YOU SHOULD BE DOWN BY NOW. BUT YOU KNOW YOU ARE NOT AS TRUE AS YOU KNOW ALL OF THE TRUTH THAT YOU KNOW AT THIS MOMENT. YOU KNOW THAT WORDS LIKE "DELUSIONAL" AND "CRAZY" ARE SUBJECTIVE AND YOU KNOW THAT THE MEANING AND APPLICATION OF THESE WORDS IS IRRELLEVANT TO THE FACT THAT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO BE DOING RIGHT NOW AND YOU ARE DOING IT. CLASSIFICATIONS OF INDIVIDUALS SUCH AS YOURSELF AND THOSE YOU KNOW IS IRRELLEVANT TO THIS CALLING, LOUDER THAN ANY VOICE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD. YOU RECOGNIZE THAT YOU HOLD THE DIVINE IN YOU AT THIS MOMENT AND THAT IT IS WORKING THROUGH YOU. EQUALLY IRRELLEVANT AS YOUR PERSONALITY AND OPINIONS ARE AT THIS MOMENT IS: WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO/BE DOING. ALL MATTERS NAUGHT, YOUR THOUGHTS ARE YOUR THOUGHTS AND THIS IS MUCH BIGGER THAN THAT. YOU MOVE FOR GOD HAS NO HANDS, BUT YOU DO. THE NEED TO DO THIS IS STRONGER THAN ANY LOGIC OR CALENDAR OR FINANCIAL DISASTER. YOU ARE GRATEFUL IN THIS MOMENT TO BE PARTICIPATING IN A SACRED AND POWERFUL DANCE THAT THE UNIVERSE IS ALWAYS DANCING WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE ALL AROUND THE GLOBE AT ALL TIMES, ALL WAYS. THESE ARE YOUR DAYS. YOU KNOW YOU ARE WHERE YOU NEED TO BE AND YOU ARE AT PEACE. AT THE SAME TIME, YOU WONDER WHEN NEXT YOU WILL SLEEP.

turkey

2010-03-23T09:38:00.002-07:00

i figured you had had
some really traumatic times
with a turkey.

maskin the nasty

2010-03-23T09:38:00.001-07:00

youre just maskin the nasty, man.
like when fat people where stripes.

sadness

2010-03-23T09:36:00.000-07:00

you moving in inspired me
to deal with the sadness
that ive just been entrenched in,

it was a good friend.

but youre a good friend too.

this woman

2010-03-23T09:28:00.000-07:00

since my house is punctuated everywhere by windows i know the neighbors know exactly what im doing. especially the woman across the way thats trying to start her car on this cold misty morning who has been out there for 30 minutes, no doubt shes looked up at the open window out of which lou reed is pourning at 9 in the morning, the house with the open front door, for sure shes checked it in her rearview mirror.

what is the hermit doing? shes probably wondering

or

who lives there?

yes neighbors. im that woman. yes i got up at 830 snd cooked breakfast and coffee for two. smoked a couple of cigarettes and shuffled about the hallway in my socks wondering what i should do. yes i checked the room that someone supposedly lives with me in, to see if certain objects had been moved- so i can count: 2.

2 days since hes been home. and yes i havent touched my breakfast as they grow cold next to each other i have this feeling someones about to show up. i sip my coffee. i check the open front door.

yes neighbors, im that woman. quiet and calm but ontop of the details, hoping something is about to happen, fully prepared and fully aware and fully alone in this beautiful home. i know you can hear this down the street through the open window:

feel sick & dirty more dead than alive

oooooooooooooo mama

im waitin for ma man.

yeah.
thats the kind of woman i am.

MEANT TO BE

2010-03-16T08:52:00.001-07:00

IM SORRY HE SAYS IM SO SORRY
IM IN A DEATH-METAL KINDA MOOD
WHATEVER YOU GOT NUTHIN TO BE SORRY ABOUT
FAST CAR COVER BY XIU XIU
DONTCHA KNOW I LOVE YOU
ALREADY THERES NUTHIN YOU COULD DO
THAT WOULD MAKE ME THROW YOU
OUTTA HERE LIKE YOURE USED TO
BEIN THROWN OUTTA PLACES
I COULD NEVER DO THAT TO YOU
OR I WOULD SOMETIMES
I WOULDA ARDY CUT YOU OUTTA MY LIFE
IF I WAS CAPABLE OF THAT
IT WOULDA ARDY HAPPENED
SO SIT BACK
AND RELAX
WHEN YOU SING IN THE KITCHEN
MY SOUL GETS WET
GETS WETTER AND WETTER TILL IT
COULDNT GET ANY BETTER
UNLESS I COULD INHALE YOU
LIKE YOU DO THOSE BEERS
LIKE I DO THOSE LEAVES
IF WE COULD DO THAT TO EACH OTHER
NEITHER
OF US WOULD STILL BE HERE
SO SIT BACK
AND RELAX
SMOKE THE REST A THAT PACK
I DONT CARE
I NEVER KNOWED NUTHIN BETTER
THIS FEELS PRETTY FUCKING GOOD
DO ME LIKE YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD
AND ON THE DAYS WHERE OUR SIGN
TELLS US TO TELL EVERYONE
TO FUCK OFF
WE WILL NOT SEE EACH OTHER
AND WE KNOW IT NO
EXPLAININ TO THE OTHERS
IM NOT WONDERIN
WHERE YOU ARE
IM DOIN SOMETHIN BETTER
SO RELAX
DO CRACK
WHATEVER
ITS YOUR DAY OFF
YOU KNOW WHEN YOURE LONELY
I WILL GET YOU OFF
AND THATS THAT
TAKE IT HAVE IT
AND DONT ASK FOR MORE
DONT OPEN OTHER DOORS
THERE ARE DEMONS BEHIND THEM
THAT WANNA CHIME IN
DONT MIND THEM
PLAY THEM
ON YOUR MACHINE
THE ONE YOU CHOOSE FOR THE DAY
AND JUST KNOW THAT
ILL BE OK ANYWAY
I NEVER NEEDED YOU
OR NUTHIN FROM YOU
SO SIT BACK
RELAX
GET YOUR ROCKS OFF
SOME OTHER WAY
EVERYDAY
THAT WERE IN HERE TOGETHER
ILL BE UNDRESSING YOU
WITH MY EYES
AND FUCKING YOU
IN MY MIND
AND ILL BE BEHIND YOU
IN ANY SEARCH
FOR ANYTHING
YOU WANNA FIND
JUST KNOW IT
AND OWN IT
BE FREE
AND ILL BE ME
ITS NOT CHEAP
BUT IT IS EASY
AND WHEN YOU SAY
WE WERE MEANT TO BE
YOU KNOW ILL AGREE
BUT NEITHER OF US
HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT EXACTLY
THAT MEANS.

the present

2010-03-11T14:15:00.000-08:00

collectively
affecting me
this breeze
shakes all our leaves
this release
is such a
relief
i feel a great peace
settling on me
and we
make this happen
and we
reap the benefits
we are
the conduits
of this
situation
devastation
has hit us
and we have
put up with it
we have
been through some shit
but this is it
so
realize
and check it
respect it
and represent
the present.

absence

2010-03-10T18:20:00.001-08:00

i wasnt looking for you
when we met
but meeting you
meant
something to me
hence
your absence
now has meaning.

why you give this
to me
your absence
like a box with
a ribbon on it
i have no idea
i hold it
i explore the meaning.

i am not hungry
i do not need you
that said
i am
deeply confused.

some evenings

2010-03-10T18:18:00.000-08:00

some evenings
i feel the potential
for wonderful things
building in the air
tension
the wetness
of the rain
depending
and then ill go
seeking
see if something great
will happen to me
i believe i see
the potential
and that that potential
is visisble
but some evenings
it seems
visible
only to me.

choose your own adventure

2010-03-10T18:14:00.000-08:00

if you knew
what i mean to you
you would do things
differently
but this is a
choose-your-own-adventure
and there are many secrets
clues go unseen
in your dreams i believe
you see me
but drinkers do not
remember their dreams
i retreat
to audience member status
and i do not
yell things
at the screen.

all of us
collectively
create this story
you make your character
the best it can be
and thats really all
one can ever
hope to achieve.

elusive

2010-03-10T18:05:00.000-08:00

im sitting in a box
that costs 650 dollars
without one piece of bread
a drunk friend looks kindly
around a corner
yes?
im looking for a piece of bread.
as he punctuates this sentence
and sees the look on my face
we fall silent
we share a second of just being
in the same space
i know i neednt say anything
but to shake the feeling
i release it in words
i dont have any bread
i just spent the pay that
wouldve gone to
keeping my phone on
in a mindless bar chase
as ive done so many times
without even liking alcohol
to try and help someone
that wont return my calls
it seems somehow sadder
with a friend at my side
no longer alone holding
the knowledge
that i once again put my neck across
the chopping block
for someone that doesnt call
me back

in the deepest part
of the dark of the night
he asks again the question
for which i have no answer

why do people not like you?

the pebble falls into the
pool of my soul
small ripples swell and roll
outward circular
i watch them quietly
a movement i like to watch

but there is no lasting reaction
of the water to the stone
and there is no real answer
to this question
and that is all i know.

so i hold the knowledge
and i sit in the box
i breathe in
i breathe out
without my heart
what can i do?
sings the musician

the only thing i want

continually

e l u s i v e

patience

2010-03-10T18:00:00.000-08:00

ive spent my time
in lots of poverty
in order to see
the things i wanted to see
in order to be
the places i wanted to be
nearness to other
powerful individuals
my top priority
but the realm of the trivial
distracts many
away from me
i no longer blame
anyone
i no longer want to
scream
i watch the tides
quietly
i no longer want to
die
these are my choices
this is my life

the hypothesis
my experience
and existence
rests on
has yet to show itself
to me
but i continue to breathe
i can see it
in my mind
hence i continue
to live
whether or not
it exists
im growing more and more
patient.

SPRING!

2010-03-04T12:56:00.000-08:00

SPRING!
IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE IN OUR FACES
AND SHOW TO US THE BABIES
OF OUR WINTER GRIEFS
AND GOOD GRACES!!!

ARE YOU READY??

she warns

2010-03-04T12:54:00.002-08:00

mom walks up to me with my empty cigarette pack in her hands. she opens it to the plastic ball in rubber band.
is this your weed? she asks.
yes it is. i say.
well you sure hid it well! she says and hands it back. i almost threw that away! she laughs.
bet the cops wouldnt even find it if they searched me, i say.
this is going too far.
the cops will find what they wanna find, she warns.

dear friend

2010-03-04T12:54:00.001-08:00

dear friend,
the space feels incredibly much lighter
without you around.

resin

2010-03-04T12:53:00.001-08:00

i wiped my mouth
and a smudge of oily black
came off on the back of my hand.
it still stands.
what a scam.

love spell tip no.1

2010-03-04T12:49:00.000-08:00

when creating a love spell, you want to make your mixtape reflecting your personal strengths and the strengths of the potential percieved relationship, metaphorically and stylistically. it is assumed here that the listener's mind will also be on these subjects while reviewing the tape, because they know you are into them, before or after you give it. it is essential when using the mixtape in these pursuits that one actually gives said mix to chosen person. them having it is important to its functioning.

pulp

2010-03-04T12:48:00.000-08:00

i start to see the different pieces of me connect and i settle like pulp in a glass.

sweeping

2010-03-04T12:46:00.001-08:00

rejoicing in the moment of breaking apart that youd been waiting so long for, through two or more springs you held your head low, grieving, all the deaths and stabs and the close-calls- being there when the doctors created that scar on your face and now you keep a beard. shielding you, shielding me. suddenly sun shone in the window on the shards on the floor, like dew in the yard, like glasknacht or whatever its called, and i saw that they were so small, all i had to do was sweep them up. so im sweeping.

shokingly

2010-03-04T12:44:00.000-08:00

you leave me alone
and i start creating installations
immediately.
i start recycling
and relieving myself
the terror
you all
(you know
who you are)
instilled
upon me
and shokingly,
i can breathe,
and i can create
these works.

after 100 cigarettes.
and 15 cups of coffee.

recognize

2010-03-04T12:42:00.000-08:00

i suddenly see a mugshot of myself in my mind with bloodied face and long, ratted hair. one longer piece of hair is glued across my forehead with dried blood, stuck especially deep into the cut above my left eyebrow. my mother sees the photographs and cries, you are unrecognizable!
but i look at the photographs and recognize myself.

in my book

2010-03-04T12:41:00.000-08:00

sorry to step on your toes, dude. when i put your cock in my mouth, we became sexual partners in my book.

all one

2010-03-04T12:38:00.000-08:00

when youre alone for a time, you are at first invisable to yourself. hence the feeling that no one is there. it is difficult to see onesself at first without the mirror/contrast of the other (another) person. this freaks some people out, they feel they are in a space devoid of people. but slowly, the longer one is alone, pieces of onesself become visible one by one, until you see yourself again, and are again all one (the basis for the modern english: alone).

rocking

2010-03-01T17:38:00.000-08:00

the new captain has arrived.
she hooked him
dead or alive
upon first meeting
fearless
he could pull her under
she could suck him dry
onlookers on the outside
are terrified
but for right now
they're just pulling back & forth
rocking.
for right now.

the fountain

2010-03-01T17:35:00.000-08:00

im gonna take you there. hey lets grind to motown in a pit with liter beer glasses in our hands till we're covered with sweat like we just took a shower. then we'll get one to go and run out into the cold coatless and drink our beers by the fountain. sing our songs and jump in if we want to. trip on cobblestones and go rolling through uneven, hand-paved streets. come with me.

closeness/lonliness

2010-03-01T17:32:00.000-08:00

i am beyond lonliness. i am at what am i going to do with myself? makin plans. moving forward. as soon as i arrive i know its where we all ought to be alla the time. but i know, in the only moment i will ever have to not enjoy it, that i will dive right back in again, to the cycle of closeness and lonliness that humans have, as soon as you get back to town.

tone down

2010-03-01T16:58:00.000-08:00

my point is, we have to tone down the sexiness of our outfits before we go to visit the bourgeoisie.

good habit

2010-03-01T16:56:00.000-08:00

smoking one cigarette outside one's house just before bed (and meditating on your surroundings) is a good habit for a woman living alone to have.

short-lived

2010-03-01T16:55:00.000-08:00

that was short-lived. the relationship and the being in the same baby-holding room.

fake acid fantastic

2010-02-25T19:44:00.001-08:00

we watched gummo
and dropped fake acid
it was fantastic
best
non-functioning
hallucinogen
of my life.

the divine

2010-02-25T19:39:00.000-08:00

hold me closer tiny dancer
hug his leather coat
he is already a family member
you dont think,
you know.
anger makes you cry
disapointment
leads to sighing
guitar-plucking finger technique
makes you bite
and writhe
you dont even know what youre doing
while youre doing it
but it feels good
so keep moving
towards the light.
cigarette?
snow moments divide
your time
in a completely unacceptable fashion,
you move towards
the divine.

the sunshine

2010-02-25T19:36:00.001-08:00

his vibrato rings
as he sings
i feel it tingling
this is a good thing
why do i feel fear
jankin' my shit
wondering if
im good enough

its just a few steps
to the other side
you gotta decide:
hide and live a lie
or step into
the sunshine

anytime

2010-02-25T19:31:00.000-08:00

my body feels like
warm rose petals
that sounds nice
yeah
now the warm petals
are turning into
creme brulee
oooh creme brulee,
you dont say...

my creme brulee
has pop rocks in it.
ten minutes later,
we've moved into
a rice-crispies-state...

lean on me,
let me finger your spine.
thank you.
you're welcome,

anytime.

ate it

2010-02-25T19:28:00.001-08:00

he grabs my arm on the couch
holds me hugging it
down
you have to see this
right now
can we watch it
again
when the acid
kicks in?
you have acid?
he says.
no, i don't,
i ate it.

GOOD FOR YOU

2010-02-25T19:26:00.000-08:00

WHAT IS IT THAT SCARES PEOPLE?
THEY'RE TERRIFIED.
I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU
SAY BABY BLUES
WELL I'M GLAD TO HEAR IT,
GOOD FOR YOU.

small brick

2010-02-25T19:23:00.000-08:00

another brick
in the wall
just a small brick.
dont push it in,
just set it.
if its made out of
the expandable
material
you think it is,
bust the whole wall
to shit
as it grows
you listen
for the cracking
sound
prepare to say
goodbye
to the beautiful
moss
and grafetti

GOOD DEAL

2010-02-25T19:19:00.000-08:00

I JUST WANNA BE FREE.
SAME HERE.
GOOD DEAL.
PEEL AWAY
A FEW LAYERS
SO THE RAYS
CAN HEAL.
MY DEAR,
MY DARLING
WE'RE YAWNING.
HOW DID WE GET HERE?
UNCLEAR.
I COULDN'T CARE LESS,
HONESTLY.
SAME HERE.
GOOD DEAL.

wrong with this

2010-02-25T19:15:00.000-08:00

brush your bangs
from your forehead
and stick
a kiss
in.
somewhere
a waterbong
is whistling-
oh no wait-
thats just snoring.
somewhere someone
is listening
gathering evidence
against this.
keep talking,
keep kissing,
there is nothing
wrong with this.

UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETHING NEW.

2010-02-25T19:10:00.000-08:00

goodbyes are easier
when theres no lies,
nobody is lying.
when theres no lose ends
to tye up,
cuz youve left nothing
untied.
a shell identity
they gave to me,
i yearn to defy.
agitated everytime
i see myself walk
within the lines.
moving, always trying
to work within
my own confines-
let something slip,
and see how much
not a problem
it is.
i would climb mountains
for those lips,
i dont just would
but i do...
the ease with which
we know ourselves,
unfortunately,
something new.

REFRESHING AS HELL

2010-02-25T19:05:00.000-08:00

IN OUR SHINEY BLACK JACKETS,
WE SAT ON THE BED LOOKIN COOL.
HE PLAYED ACOUSTIC GUITAR,
I FELT LIKE I WAS IN HIGHSCHOOL.
WE GIGGLED, WE TOUCHED,
NOT MUCH, JUST ENOUGH.
WE DID THINGS I DID WHEN I WAS 12,
IT WAS REFRESHING AS HELL.

THE OPPOSITE

2010-02-25T19:01:00.000-08:00

I THINK HE'S REALLY TALENTED
BUT KIND OF AN IDIOT.
i cant tell you
who said this,
but continues-
you fall in love
so fast and so hard
its not good for you.
well this is true.
ok. so what to do?
nothing. you should stop it.
before you meet the ugly end
(again)
i know when i hear this
this is a real friend.
thank you and goodbye
i say
youre right im gonna drop it.
i know and friend sees
in my eyes
im about to do the opposite.

SAG VAG (*sagittarius vagina)

2010-02-25T18:58:00.000-08:00

IVE NEVER HAD A SAG VAG.
IVE NEVER HAD A SAG COCK.
BUT IF WE GET THERE,
I WILL FUCK YOU
UNTIL YOU CANNOT WALK.

IGNITED

2010-02-25T18:56:00.000-08:00

you come on the same day each time. feb 23. seven years apart. will there be other visits through the web of time? time travellers wife. how did you get the day so right? thats tight. i am ignited. where has this been hiding.

WHAT A FUCKING DISASTER

2010-02-25T18:50:00.000-08:00

FINALLY YOURE HERE.
AND I HAVE WASTED ALL
OF MY ENERGY
SHOWING THE TIME OF THEIR LIVES
TO OTHER BOYS.
WHO WERENT WORTH IT.
WHO WERENT YOU.
AND TO TELL THE TRUTH,
I WASNT REALLY FOOLED.
WHY DID I DO THAT?

IVE KNOWN YOU.
IVE BEEN WAITING HERE FOR YOU.
I KNEW YOUD COME.
I DIDNT WAIT PATIENTLY THOUGH.
WHICH IS WHY I STAND
RAVAGED IN FRONT OF YOU
BUT YOU SEE THROUGH IT.
FELLOW SAGITTARIUS.
I ALMOST THOUGHT YOU WERE LEE
BUT I KNEW BETTER
AND SO DID HE.
I DATED CAPRICORNS
WHEN I WAS TRYING TO PRETEND
THAT DIDNT MATTER.
WHAT A FUCKING DISASTER.

VOODOO STEW

2010-02-25T18:43:00.000-08:00

you can act like
i was wreaking
havoc on you
cuz you know thats
believable
im going to go
live on the edge
of society
in a cob house
and eat stews
my own recipe
the town people will say
they are voodoo
and only when
new people
come into town
will i be viewed
with fresh eyes
and someone will take time
to see my worth
it will be
a rebirth
a resurgence of energy
that wasn't negative
to begin with
a million apologies
for the actions
of our former selves
someone will cradle us
someone will forgive
not sure
you ever lived it
the story passed down
till you get it
till you're in it
not sure that it
ever happened
you make plans around
a fake past
and real wounds
that dont match
so folks assume
you've had too much
voodoo stew.

GO GET EGGS AND BACON AND FIX THIS.

2010-02-25T18:01:00.001-08:00

something feels like shit. what is it?
hangover? no. check.
you have beautiful feet.
weed hangover? no. thoughts clear.
did we drop that acid yesterday? no.
still got that. yes.
you're the best kisser ive ever kissed.
definitely smoked too many cigarettes.
rolled with pipe tobacco.
throat is swollen.
but no coughing, no itching.
right on. smoked too much.
something else.
oh yeah probably the whiney submissive way
i reacted to that beautiful boy
who gave me nothing but positive energy
over a 12-hour period
and cried repeatedly and implied
that i needed to be in a relationship.
LIES!
yeah that was bad.
i was worn out.
i think youre the first real woman
ive ever been this close to.
FUCK.
hungry? check.
ok, go get eggs and bacon
and FIX THIS.

committed

2010-02-19T18:29:00.000-08:00

that night in gaswerk, winterthur, after my three-hour performance: i spun through the dance floor in a spaghetti strap pink linen dress, soaked with sweat, cropped hair on my head shorter than that in my armpits, a man i didnt know taught me how to swing dance, tried to throw me in the air, i wasnt having it. then the cutest goth femme i had ever seen in that country comes and grinds up to me, grinds her warm cunt on my thigh through the rest of the night, before we say goodbye we make out right there in front of our respective boyfriends her tongue and soft lips like velvet, like rosepetals, like everything superficial, we make out for a long time. as we say goodbye we lock eyes and our eyes say, i was drunk, but i did mean it. and then its understood. but i push it, i ask her where shes sleeping tonight, she says im with someone, i say so am i. we both smile. we go home seperately and make love to cock, thinking about each other, we never speak of it when we see the other on the street, we just smile, i know youre thinking of me. but we are committed. i let her slip away. i never find the balls to say, run away with me.

roos

2010-02-18T22:20:00.000-08:00

options

2010-02-18T22:18:00.000-08:00

in darkness we loved without need to see

2010-02-18T22:10:00.000-08:00

scott

2010-02-18T22:07:00.000-08:00

anthropology

2010-02-18T22:05:00.000-08:00

duh duh duh

2010-02-18T22:01:00.000-08:00

darn you, socks

2010-02-18T21:58:00.000-08:00

a few more

2010-02-18T21:44:00.000-08:00

remember when?

2010-02-18T07:01:00.000-08:00

remember when

i moved in you

and the holy dove

was moving too

and every breath

we drew

......?

2010-02-14T17:21:00.000-08:00

exhibitionist

2010-02-14T16:48:00.000-08:00

i screamed louder and louder
as he smacked my ass
i rode him
at some point
he told me to
put it in my mounth and as
i nibbled on his
sweet feminine lips
i asked,
is the condom lunricated?
kiss. kiss. what?
kiss. kiss.
is the condom lubricated
on the inside?
kiss. uh. kiss. i dunno.
i suck on the bottom lip
long and breathe deeply.
i would love to
but its gonna taste like
condom & spermacide,
i said. kiss. oh.
he seemed to understand?
kiss.
i initiate eskimo kiss
face in his face,
i mean really i would...
kiss.
he throws me onto all fours.

we smoke in his living room
he calls me dude
and saint joan. i melt.
i ash
in the incense tray.

he asked me if
i liked it
and told me to tell him
that i liked it
while he bit my bottom lip
hands on my hips
it was hot.
he was a bit marshmallowy
like a true UK boy
bit of a drinker too.

while we were parked
infront of the coop
i told him
i wanted to fuck him
in the drivers seat
and he looked away
and said i dont think
im that much of an
exhibitionist
actually.

MOST RECENT DROANINGS

2010-02-14T15:43:00.001-08:00

check it out:
two new covers and one original, written at 18, rerecorded after the song was old enough to be about several different people ("new york"). all songs are sketches like my poems/stories. feedback always welcome, working on remixes with a few diff. ppl right now, please cut the song up if you want and email it to me: jmajeski@ymail.com

"shitstorm"

this song changed my life

2010-02-13T18:09:00.000-08:00

i fell in love to this song in ireland, 2003.

VALENTINES MIX 2010:

2010-02-13T17:31:00.001-08:00

EMOTION RECOGNITION